It Takes Two Tango ||24th Mar 2019||

Just a personal rant.
Not sure if anyone is still following this blog, well if there's none then it's gonna be my (public) diary anyways.

It really does take two to tango.
If one is not ready, the other does not have to be either.

Many things have changed since my mum left us.
Countless sleepless nights this empty place I call home;
I've never fully understood the phrase A home is not a home without people in it until as of late.

And so.. I tried to bring more people into my life.
I have friends, I always have friends.
But how many of them would really be with me till my time is up.
I'll never know, till the day comes.

I found Him. I have Him.
A man I do really wanna spend the rest of my life with.
A man my mum approves of, though they never had the chance to meet.
He is a unique man, one with a personality, characteristics, traits I've never quite knew before.
Never ask me how or why I fell in love with him.
One of those times when I would just answer you any or all of the below:
Love is blind.
You do not need a reason to love a person.
You will know when you have found the one.
It felt right.

It does feel right. It never felt any more right.
The one that would make my day just by getting to see him.
He still gives me butterflies even after being together for so long now.
The one I would drop anything for.
The one I am willing to open up many parts of me to.

But like I've said, he is truly unique, and definitely a different experience for myself.
I'm not sure if I am the one too used to being single "for too long", or he just does things and think things differently.
I'm always open to challenges, trying something new, as such it's not really a big deal for me.
In fact, this may be why I am attached to him; someone that fits my own character, in a way, probably, not sure.

He does not really go out of the way for me.
(as many of you girl/women would love your other half to do so).
He showers his love in many different (unique?) ways.
I would not say it's perfectly OK for me, but I am OK with it.
I understand that he too has his family to attend to, his hobbies, his work, his habits, his lifestyle; before I came into his life.
Being an alone person, I see where he's coming from.

But that does not mean I do not wish that he will learn to adapt to having a partner in his life..

I Lost Her || 31st Aug 2017||

I lost my best friend.

And I couldn't believe myself that I cried for this loss more than I've ever cried for any of my exs.
The things she said, the things she assumed, the things she claimed I didn't do.

That is how much it hurts, and how much she meant to me.
But she probably never knew, never will know.

I cried. I tried. I cried again. And I tried again.

For all that it is worth,
Will I try again?

One day we'll reunite, but that day, is not today.

.You Forgot Your Shadow. || 24th Sep 2013 ||

Bags all packed, make sure you remember everything
No looking back, no more; not for anything.
This is what you wanted, isn't it?
Clear it out just like you've never been
What's a goodbye good for, anyway?

There's nothing left of you to remind me
But somehow you're still standing behind me

I'm trying hard to forget you
But my empty walls won't let me let you go
When you took it all, you forgot your shadow
You say you wish me well without you
But something 'bout you tells me that you know, oh oh

When you took it all you forgot
Your shadow, your shadow
When you took it all you forgot
Your shadow, your shadow, your shadow, oh oh

Hide all your photographs,
But I can feel you watching me
How long does your memory last?
It's time I ought to be
Moving on and getting over you
I bet it looks like I'm not even trying to
Here all alone, my past on the walls

With nothing left of you to remind me
So why are you still standing behind me

I'm trying hard to forget you
But my empty walls won't let me let you go
When you took it all, you forgot your shadow
You say you wish me well without you
But something 'bout you tells me that you know, oh oh

When you took it all you forgot
Your shadow, your shadow
When you took it all you forgot
Your shadow, your shadow, your shadow, oh oh

It's always there, too close, too much
The shape of something I can't touch
I turn, and find the shadow's grown
Those empty eyes I begged to stay
Are watching me from yesterday
You can leave me, can you leave me alone?

Sam Tsui - Shadow 

.CNY. || 9th Feb 2013 ||

this is gonna be the third year celebrating CNY without daddy dearest.
everything is just different already.
worst of all, home is never at peace.
snapping at each other every day.

2010 CNY reunion dinner. last one with daddy.

 

.21 not. || 16th Jan 2013 ||

"I'm 21 n still wanna have fun"
hmm... I'll take that back.