.In Loving Memory Of My Daddy Dearest. || 1st January 2011 ||

first blog of the year.
dedicated to my daddy.

he passed away peacefully on the 20th of November 2010.
it was a hard time for all of us.
we never expected this to come. at least not so soon.
we knew the cancer will relapse, sooner or later, but definitely not so soon.
n we are indeed right.
he didnt die of lungs cancer.
it was for a reason that we all (still) dont know.
in fact, the doctors cant explain.

well... take it as he's now in a better place.
n that he didnt have to reach the final stage of cancer when he will have to undergo a lot of pain.
blessing in disguise we say.

of course, it was not easy to cope.
every little thing we say or do, constantly reminds us of him.
especially mum.
i rarely show it.
but every time we talk or mention things; just anything, it reminds of him.

here are some pictures of my great daddy :

Father's Day May 2009.
one of the few pictures i have hugging him.


Mid 2009.
With his eldest son n eldest grandson.
dont three of them just look SOOOO alike..? :)


end of 2009.
at Sunway Pyramid/Sunway Lagoon with mummy n grandson Kyle.


2009, his 56th birthday. at home.
with mummy n me.


2009, his 56th birthday. at home.
with all the male in the family.
two sons, Philip&Kevin n a grandson


January 2009.
Givi Asia team building trip in Port Dickson - Eagle Ranch.
a great teammate, team leader n boss.


March 2010.
when first admitted in hospital.
looked so well.


October 2010.
Genting Highlands.
his condition got so much better after he finished his successful chemotheraphy sessions.
his last holiday/getaway trip with mummy n Kevin.
i love the laughter on his face.


the sushi set i 'made' for him for his new 'home'.


together with all the other things he love.


i miss that smile......

.Today Wasnt A Fairytale. || 2nd April 2010 ||

how much longer..??

.I Wanna See You. || 11th March 2010 ||

i cant wait to go back to Penang this weekend to see you.
to hug you. to tell you that i love you and i need you.
seconds seems like hours these past few days.
it's been almost 3weeks since i last saw you.
now i cant wait to see you again.

the fact that they didnt tell me further bout your condition didnt make things better for me.
now when i know, im even more worried and sad.

but i know i cant let you see even a drop of my tears.
you need to know that we're all standing strong beside, behind, everywhere around you.
you need us, just like how all of us need you.

I miss you.
i'm counting the hours to seeing you.

FML || 14th February 2010 ||

.fml.fml.fml.fml.fml.fml.fml.fml.fml.fml.fml.

yes its CNY and its Valentine's and it sucks.
well at least for me who's sitting at home doing nothing but Facebooking.

.random rant. || 29th December 2009 ||

im B.O.R.E.D.
really..!

its my sem break.
and BKT BERUNTUNG ISNT HELPINGGG.

and i wanna have fun.
but unfortunately i have none.

went Sunway Lagoon with my parents and baby nephew, Kyle last weekend.
wanna go again. to play..!
i shall drag someone to go with meeee. :D

owh what i've been doing during my sem break..?
1. sleep
2. bathe
3. eat
4. Facebook/MSN/play SDO
5. watch TVB dramas on Astro On Demands
6. help my mum take care of Kyle
7. back to sleep
such a waste of time. my PRECIOUS time.
hey im a teenager..! isnt that suppose to the most enjoyable time of your life..?!

wanna go for ballet classes also cannot.
the dance sch having end year term holidays. x[
owh well. bad luck.

okay back to my Facebook, MSN and SDO.
adioss~ :S

.i really dont get her. || 26th Sept 2009 ||

why cant she just listen to me.
when she's the one who always say :
"listen to me when i talk. dont interrupt."
why cant she do the same. really.
she's not always right ALL the time.

.dying in your sleep. || 30th August 2009 ||

do you think its the best way to die..?

maybe not.

because then..
you wont get to say the things you wanted to say.
do things you wanted to do.
no..?

just a random thought while trying to take my afternoon nap just now.
nothing's wrong. :D

.I'm home. but it doesnt feel like one. || 15th August 2009 |

the title says it all.

.three totally unrelated random rants. || 15th August 2009 ||

I wish I really do have a proper room.
I realise that each time I'm back in Penang, I cant find my room.
The room that used to be mine, has [and had] apparently turned into my bro's CRIB.
I cant find MY things in MY room.
And then I have to sleep on the floor on a mattress.
Ermm well... I do have a SOFAbed in my parents room. Which I cant even sleep comfortably in because the metal support of The Bed has given way.
I'll wake up with back aches.
W.O.W.
How more pathetic can that be..?



The few [I would say crucial] things that really bother me while I'm staying in the hostel :
1. Having an untidy roommate.
2. Food sucks.
3. The fact that I cant clear my bowel WHILE I bathe. Simply because the shower and toilet are not in the same cubicle.



Please. Play badminton using the appropriate shuttlecock.
I really cant stand playing badminton using an out-of-specs shuttlecock.
Too heavy, or too light.
Either way, its not fun.

.its funny. || 23rd April 2009 ||

.its funny how two ppl can quarrel and blame each other just because they miss each other too much.

.i really dont get some ppl. || 23rd April 2009 ||

seriously.
i dont get them.
they have mood swings.

one minute they're all so close to you.
and the next, *pooooof* they're gone.

without giving you a reason.
they just leave you hanging.
and often you'll be wondering what did you do wrong.

.bored, sick and lonely. || 22nd April 2009 ||

i've been way way WAY too free for the past 2months.
after i finished my working contract that is.

wakes up at 12noon earliest.
then have instant noodle for lunch.
after that just go online till bout 6pm.
and its dinner time.
after dinner, watch some drama on Astro On Demand.
sometimes online at the same time.
till midnight.
and then i go to bed.

its more or less like that every day.
sad huh...
what to do.

well usually i wont be that bored.
because i get to text him.
but now that he has started working.
i dont get to text him as often anymore.
he works really, i do mean REALLY long hours.
sadddd.

and i miss him.
a lot.

and i guess that's the reason why im sick now.
love sick maybe..? LOLz

nahh.. just the flu i guess.
had been sneezing whole of yday and today.
sorethroat too..
Aihhh...

now.. how i wish im still back at sch.
though i had to get up early, at least im not THAT bored.
oh and i have my friends around me for like 6hours..?
compared to now... i meet them like once a month..?
sometimes never.
how sadd.
ahh well.. life's like that.

i miss my buddies...




cant you see im so lonely and boredd..?
where are you baby....?



ps. and the fact that im actually in Bkt Beruntung, hULU Selangor isnt helping.

.move forward i will. || 29th December 2008 ||

i think i now understand why some ppl cant move forward in life.
they live in denial.

The reason..?
they're still haunted by their past.
and no one can help them get through the obstacle.

As for me,
i found someone who dares to take the chances with me.
someone who is not afraid of who i was.
someone who is willing to drop the past.
and sketch a beautiful future for me, guide me through it.

But instead, what did i do..?
i went back to look at the past.
i stopped to look at it for a moment too long.
and when i realised its time to go back to the present, i lost something ever so important.
TRUST.

Now im given a second chance.
will i repeat my mistake..?
will i be able to build that trust all over again..?
this time with more firm core.
materials that are everlasting strong.
will i succeed..?
or will i disappoint the ppl around me again..?

The answer..?
only time will tell.


ps. to those of you who said you can change and let go of your past almost immediately :
excuse me, but its bullshit.

your past is like a folder in your pc.
when you wanna delete it, you click delete and its gone.
then you remembered it goes to the recycle bin.
hence you go look for it there.
you think twice before you remove it permanently.
at last, there. GONE.
you cant restore it anymore.

but wait.
get some computer savvy guy and they'll retrieve the folder back for you in minutes.

the pc, your life.
the file, your past.
the computer savvy, your old friends.

.3weeks. || 21st December 2008 ||

it has only been 3weeks.
but when you are staying in Bukit Beruntung, Hulu Selangor, it feels like 3months.

in fact i wish it was 3months.
so i dont have to be lonely for so long.
at least i'll get my results by then and do something bout it rather than sit at home and do nothing.
im looking for a job though.
factory la.
operator. WakakA~
good experience what. x]

what is worse is that im missing my darl badly. =[
and i dont get to meet him even though im back for the weekend now.
owh well.
patience is a virtue.

on the brighter side, the TM guy is going to fix the modem next week.
so i'll be having access to internet. THANK GOD.
but still i suppose im not allowed to be online 24hours though.
nvm laaaaa.
at least better than nothing. x]

.up up and away..?. || 29th November 2008 ||

so i've been away for 3 full weeks..
miss me..? WakakA~

and i'll be gone soon..
tmr night..
to KL..
which im not really keen on going. =.=

takda member lah..!
how to survive..??

anyways i know a lot of ppl will be blogging saying that SPM is over..
i dont have to repeat that right..? LOL
everyone knowz. x]
but of course. only for those who take science subjects la.
accounts tak habiz lagi.

ps. i failed my ballet examz. 3 sections. there goes 700+ bucks.
overall marks tak fail. but once you fail one section, you fail the whole thing. daymn.

pss. cant believe there's ppl who wants me to starve.
summor say can vomit out the things i eat.
isnt that like bulimia..?!

.hibernate. || 8th November 2008 ||

nope. its NOT because of SPM.
because parents are back.
and probably my mum is gonna stay till SPM over.

and the more scary thing is im afraid she'll take me to KL direct after i finish my papers.
ARGHGHHHGHH...!!!!
dang. dunno how d.
im so gonna protest.
and futhermore, the last time we talked bout it, she did say she's gonna gimme a a week or two in PG after my papers.
but that was before.
you never know how fast she changes her mind.
and she has the KUASA VETO. =.=

so yeah. my blog will hibernate for awhile la i guess.
but i'll still online on and off la for sure.

just in case i dont have the chance to anymore
GOOD LUCK TO ALL 2008 SPM AND STPM CANDIDATES.
ALL THE BEST. x]

.tong hua.fairytale. || 25th October 2008 ||

wang le you tua zio
zai mei jian tao ni
dui wo shuo ni
chui ai de gu shi
wa shiang le hen jiu
wa kai shi wang le
shi bu shi wo you chuo chua le she me

ni ku che dui wo shuo
tong hua li tho shi pian ren de
wo bu ke nen shi ni den wang zhi
ye shu ni bu hui dong
chong ni shuo ai wo yi hou
wo de tian kong xing xing tho liang le

wo yuan bian chen tong hua li
ni ai ke na ke tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou bian chen chi pang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua ku shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi chue chu


cant recall how long ago it was
before i met you
before you told me bout the story you like most
after thinking for some time
i wonder if i did somethin wrong

as you cried you said to me
all the stories in fairytales are lies
i cant be your prince charming
maybe you wont understand this
but ever since you said you love me
the stars in my sky had became brighter

i want to be that character in the fairytales
the angel that you like most
spread out my arms and turn them into wings
you must believe
believe that we can be like in the fairytale
happiness in our hands

.dilemma. || 19th October 2008 ||

just got off the phone.
and it just got me crying.
not exactly cry cry la.
just you know tears rolling down my cheeks a bit.
yeah like that la.

and i hate it when ppl make you be in a dilemma.
i mean sometimes what they say is true and all that.
but you dont have to make ppl feel bad bout what you ask them to do that they dont want to right..?

yeahh i know probably after i finish secondary sch its gonna be college and uni.
hence, generally it means less time spent with parents and family.
honestly i never thought bout it if she didnt mentioned it just now.

anyway she came up with the whole idea that i should go and stay with her after i finish my exams.
i dont mind going anywhere else if its still in PG.
but its in KL.
i dont want.
there's so many things in PG that i cant leave.

friends is more than enough to keep me from leaving PG.
going to KL means there wont be any friends.
no friends = no life.
and its after SPM.
im suppose to be enjoying my holidays
and spending time with my buddies before we leave for different places.

what bout food..?
KL food sucks.
PG food rocks.
who cares what you think la but memang pun food means a lot to me.

and my classes..?
ballet..? organ..?
and just the other day i was talking bout wanting to pick up either jazz or hiphop.
damn.

and whats more her place there is not even KL.
its outskirts of KL.
= total no life.
nearest civilisation takes 15minutes.
how pathetic.

anyway.
what was the statement that made me feel bad..?

"you know we all how old d or not..?
we just want you here to accompany us.
then we dont have to worry bout you there so much ma.
no one is there to take care of you anyway.
just a few months.
then you're off to uni and coll and stuffs d."

there.
if your mum say that to you, what will you feel..?

.Just So You Know. || 18th October 2008 ||

suddenly i miss this song.
long time no hear liao. HehE^^
enjoy~
the videoclip is nice.

.super sick. || 15th October 2008 ||

im like super super sick.
was in so much pain that i gotta call Kev to pick me up from sch today.
i thought i can stand it.
but i couldnt.

well actually i went to sch today for the attendance la.
my full attendance.
a few more days left ny.
dont wanna waste my effort through out the year maaa.. =[

my tummy had been putar-ing since two nights ago.
aihhh.
it really hurts la..
sakit gilaaaa..

and those medicines above..?
i gotta take 2 of each.
which means 6 tablets each time =O


and how i wish you were here with me. =[
7days is very long do you know that..? ='[